


thursday

by madfatty



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-24
Updated: 2017-10-24
Packaged: 2019-01-22 08:21:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12477340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madfatty/pseuds/madfatty
Summary: tumblr prompt regarding what lead to the hand-written note Finn gave to Rae"To May, Think you'll love this tune! Love Finely 'the chatterbox' xOriginally posted to tumblr on 29/06/17





	thursday

15th August 1996

Hey. So, I’ve been trying to think of something to do to let Rae know how much I like her. All the touching and the smiling and the stammering like an idiot and just acting creepy in general doesn’t seem to be working. Go figure. She looks more confused than adoring (and I wanna be adored!) when she does look at me. I guess that’s progress though, so even if it makes me pathetic, I’ll take it.

Because it’s Thursday, I was in Town as usual, checking out the new releases before I had to be at the pub. Rob’s pretty good, he puts the new stuff he thinks I’ll like away for me. Vinyl of course, ‘cause it sounds better and I can make my own tapes for the car.

It takes me a lot longer in the shop now, listening to all sorts, trying to figure out what Rae would choose, looking for something she hasn’t heard yet, something to impress her. Plus, if I hang around long enough, she might show up. Rob says she’s there a lot but I’ve not seen her. I’ve been trying to keep it casual, just wanting to ‘run into’ her but it’s not working and I think Rob’s getting suspicious. I should just man up and ask her to come in with me some time. That wouldn’t be weird, would it?

Anyway, there were a couple of good ones today and I wasn’t sure which way to go, but when Rob played the Patti Smith I knew it was the one. I remembered Rae talking to Chloe - I say talking, it was more a lecture really - about how the only girls you see on MTV and TotP are half naked stick insects with fake boobs and more hairspray than talent. Chloe said that that’s what girls are supposed to look like because that’s what boys want, and Rae got quiet for the rest of the night. I don’t know why she listens to Chloe. Chloe doesn’t know shit. Whatever, it’s a great song and I know she’s going to love it and I want to be the one to show it to her, so I bought it for her. No big deal.

Rob made a little face when I asked if I could have a cassette of it as well as the vinyl, but Rae doesn’t have a record player. I know. I checked. I thought about getting the Underworld as well, but I was only going to have enough cash left to get one round in at the pub as it was, so I just got the one. I’ll just get it next week and make her a copy.

Thing is, it’s all well and good to get her a present, I mean, I really like her and I want her to have it so she knows I like her, but how the bloody hell was I supposed to give it to her? Honestly, I hadn’t thought that far ahead. The programme I got her from Knebworth is still in the bottom of the wardrobe for fuck’s sake. I couldn’t just stand there in front of everyone and say “hey Rae, I heard this really cool song today. It’s by this amazing woman who makes me feel things and think things and, because you do too, it made me think of you so I got it for you. Please like me.” They’d all take the piss, and so they bloody should! Including Rae.

Then I had the great idea of hiding it in her backpack to find later, but then I realised she wouldn’t know it was from me. New plan; write her a note. Thank God you were handy. Don’t panic, it wasn’t embarrassing, just basic information, although there may have been an excess of exclamation points. And maybe a kiss. The pen got away from me and it just sort of happened. I can’t remember exactly, but there’d only be the one. Probably.

I did called her May, because it’s our little joke, and I signed it Chatterbox cause of that time we were all at the chippy and everyone was laughing and talking over the top of one another and it was great, even though I hadn’t really said anything but it was a lot of fun and in the middle of it Rae said “Jesus, Nelson, you chatterbox, can you shut up for two minutes and give someone else a turn?” and then she smiled at me so I knew that she was only playing and we all laughed some more and at least she’d stopped calling me ‘prick’.

I had to wait for the girls to go off to the bathroom so I could slip it in her backpack. First, I left it on top, but I was worried that she’d find it before she got home and start asking questions I didn’t know how to answer, so I pushed it all the way down to the bottom. Shit, what if she didn’t find it for days? There is no way I could wait that long, so I dug it back out and put it about half way down. She nearly caught me when she came back from the loo. I was shitting myself but I’m glad I did it. I want to do nice things for her. (To her HA!) I really want her to like me. It’s scary how much I want it. But you already know that since you’re the only one I talk to about it.

I’m hoping she finds it tonight or tomorrow morning at the latest. I don’t know what I’ll do if it takes longer than that. After she listens to it, she’ll know that I do know what I’m talking about and she’ll call me and want to talk about how cool Patti Smith is and how cool I am for finding it. Then she’ll thank me and say ‘you shouldn’t have’, and I’ll say ‘no problem, I just thought you’d like it is all’ and she’ll say ‘it was a really nice thing to do.’

That’s when I think I’m going to ask her to come ‘round and listen to some reggae. Dad says everyone knows what reggae means. I’ve been thinking about this for a while. It’ll just be the two of us. Just me and her, alone in my room with Bob Marley and Peter Tosh and we’ll let nature take its course. Maybe then I’ll be able to tell you what it’s really like kissing Rae Earl, instead of just listing all my sad, desperate fantasies. I really think it could work. I’ll keep you posted. Laters.

Shit. I think I spelled my name wrong. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucck. I AM AN IDIOT.

++++

 

Dear Diary

So, here’s one for you diary, Finn left a tape in my bag tonight at the pub. And not a homemade one either, its brand new; it still had the cellophane on and there’s even some of the sticky shit left on the front from where he’s taken the price tag off.

This is a new development. Like us sitting next to each other and being nice on purpose. Things have been improving since the party, but presents? I can’t afford to be friends with him if we’re expected to do presents.

Maybe he does fancy me. Or maybe it’s just his idea of being nice on purpose. It’s a bit extravagant though, don’t you think? That’s like, two pints!! I don’t know. I don’t want to get my hopes up but what else am I supposed to think? Yeah, it’s only a cassingle, but that’s not the point - HE SPENT HIS BEER MONEY ON MUSIC FOR ME!!

It’s lucky I caught him acting shifty when I got back from the loo, or I may not have found it for ages. I don’t normally go through my bag unless I’ve lost something, but he kept staring at it – the bag, he couldn’t look at me – and his face was all red and he was more fidgety and mumbly than usual, so I knew something was up. 

It’s the new Patti Smith. To be honest, I haven’t heard her before, but let’s not tell Finn that. Don’t want him thinking he’s got an edge. I’ve listened to it a couple of times now – alright, eight – and she is AMAZING. I’m going to have to hunt down more of her stuff. I’m not sure why he picked this song - I’ve decided not to read anything into the lyrics – but it’s a really excellent choice. I do have to admit that there was like a second, when I thought about going off on one, just because, well you know, I can be a dick sometimes. I made myself get over it though. It was sweet of him.

I suppose you want to know how I know it was from Finn, apart from his obviously shit spy skills? Well, smart arse, he’d wrapped it in a note, that’s how. Signed it and everything.

I’ve stuck it on the next page as evidence for when Chloe tries to tell me I’m delusional and it doesn’t mean anything. Bloody Chloe. Don’t get me started.

In fairness, the hearts and stars are mine, but he’s the one that used ‘love’. Twice. And he called me May. He does that when he wants to rile me up. I think he thinks he’s funny. He really isn’t. Gorgeous, yes. Funny, definitely not. And what’s “Chatterbox” all about? Absolutely no idea. Arrrrrgh! What the actual fuck? The boy does my head in. 

Do you want to know the very best thing about it? He spelled his name wrong - FINELY. To be fair, he’s not wrong; - I would spend the rest of the summer holidays licking the sweat from his armpits if I could - but seriously? Massive tickets on himself or not the sharpest crayon in the box? It’s a tough call. Either way, I am never going to let him live it down.

+++


End file.
